Demo Class Frustration

December 7, 2011

The Chinese teacher’s bonus is based on how their students do in the whole semester, including classes that they do not teach. This means that my teaching ability reflects on them as well. Maybe it’s not true, but I take the fact that this was pointed out to me today in a meeting with Paul and Angel as a sign of complaints about me. Paul and Angel watched their second class of mine this week, this morning. I wasn’t really happy to see them. It’s the second time in three lessons with this one class. Paul had to leave before the end, so he texted me to say we would have a meeting after my last class of the day. I thought my morning class had gone really well, but of course, as I taught the next two lessons, I wondered what I did wrong in my first lesson that had me having a meeting with Paul. I put a lot of energy into my classes this week (even though I am exhausted). Today, both of my classes that had three lessons did well on the song. We reviewed and at the end, they could sing it in parts (which I thought was an important criterion for our classes). I was pleasantly surprised as it is a hard song. It’s not even a song for starters! It’s a chant that doesn’t have a lot of patterns in it. We say one line twice and the next once… we have a repeating line four times and then six times and then we go into things that don’t repeat at all. And, it’s a dialogue, so it’s extra hard, because the kids don’t always get that. I have been explaining that it is Mother waking them up for school. We have done sleeping and waking up, and the difference between waking up and getting up. So when my two classes that are a lesson ahead on Wednesdays (but don’t have lessons on Friday) could each do part of the dialogue, I thought “perfect – they get the song”. That’s the aim right? They can sing any part when I tell them to – that means they know the whole song/chant.

I went to my meeting and found Angel in the room as well. I don’t know why but that seems so much more ominous than just Paul. Turns out they didn’t really want to talk about my lesson at all. I think they are worried (as are the Chinese teachers) about my demo class for parents tomorrow. I was going to do a review lesson – we were going to sing all of our songs, like I do most Friday’s. This would show the parents how much they can do, and continue to prepare them for the upcoming song competition. Paul had told us to not introduce anything new for the demo class as we want to show how awesome everyone is. I am now introducing a whole new format tomorrow morning, and we are doing it tomorrow afternoon for the demo class. I think this is an awful idea, but what can I do. Paul wrote out a lesson plan for me. Nothing I normally do will happen in my demo lesson. And the kids will have the exact same lesson twice in a day. This is the same class that I have to change activities with all the time because I lose them. This is the class where half of my kids don’t behave. This is the class where the children act out because they are bored. We are going to spent 90 minutes reviewing song lyrics and not singing at all. The singing in parts that I thought was so important has been ruled “not important” and “a waste of time”. Even the games I play have been taken out. We will play new games even though they told me that they didn’t want to mess with my games, so that the kids had something that they were used to. My scoring in my games can stay the same though. I guess I can think about it like this: I do a demo demo lesson for Paul at 9:30. I then have two more classes to practice it on before my demo class so that it will be my fourth lesson in this new style.

My frustration today lies mostly with the management of the school. I have made it known that I am struggling since the beginning. When others say their classes are going well, I have complained. No one came to my classes until the end of the term. And now I am supposed to change everything overnight. Where was the help when I routinely complained about difficulties? Even still, when I say I feel like I am crappy at this job, I am told “it’s still new to you”, not asked why or given more help. But, help is help, even if it is coming so late I am ready to quit. I am also frustrated by the help. Two weeks ago in my last meeting with Paul, he told me I needed to get 100% participation in my classes. He told me to come down hard on those kids that weren’t paying attention. Today he told me that when Toby acts up, I need to ignore him. Well right there, I don’t get 100% participation. I had been ignoring the kids that act up, and the other kids and I were going further in our lessons that we had in the first month or so where I spent my whole time being mad at the kids who fooled around. Now the answer is we expect about 80% participation. That’s what I had; I was told to change it. So, which one am I supposed to go with? Do I deal with the kids who act up, or do I ignore them? I can’t do both. On Monday when Paul and Angel were in my class, Toby was sulking, as he does when he doesn’t get his way. I asked him to sit up and he would, but then he would sulk again. Paul used this as an example. He said “I would have only talked to him twice and then would have ignored him”. Typically, I do ignore Toby’s sulking, and when he participates again, I reward him. With Paul watching, I tried to get my 100% rate and talked to Toby more than once. I don’t know what I am supposed to do with it changing all the time! With my games I am only supposed to reward the good kids. I will have the same kids doing the points every time. It won’t encourage the others to behave; they will go “Oh, he will just get it again”. I know the logic about it, but it doesn’t work. Kids who I have to punish, or who just don’t pay attention or do the task never get the reward. Paul would rather I do rock paper scissors with them instead of letting one person who I choose come up and get the points for their team. I do rock paper scissors, but in a different way. The kids seem to like my game formats, in every lesson but the vocab lesson.

I know I am tired. I know I am cranky. But, I am so done with this. I wish they had taken the time to work with me two months ago. I would like them to leave me alone now, or to fire me. If I’m bringing all the Chinese teachers' pay down, then really, I shouldn’t be here. Of course, I am going to keep trying and keep trying to implement the help I am getting now, but it would have been so much more effective months ago. I still want to quit and I still want to run home, but I am still here.

I love you.