i am having a shit week. i dont know why. i currently hate my job and just want to give up. everyone is pissing me off. this is the worst case of pms ever!
i am really tired. I am thinking 2 things. I am going to try to put a little more exercise into my life, but that's so hard when I am exhausted! I am also going to double my iron pills because I know there is not enough iron in the diet. we rarely eat red meat and the only other thing I can think of is broccoli and we eat it for most breakfasts but that's it. the only green veggie i see regularily is asparagus for lunch and I don't like it.
i am struggling with my classes. i don't know how to make it fun. maybe i will work on a new point system that involves the students. erin has a dart gun she has the kids shoot at a target for points. I don't see how we can do that and be firm, but hell, I don't have control over my classes anyways. i take stuff away when they are playing with thhings. i go to the children who i want to be quiet or whatever. I use what is called the 'strong voice' where what I say goes, but they just stare at me if they don't want to do it. to me, fun and misbehaving children don't go well together.
our current song is really long and the kids are struggling. our focus is in singing the song. how do you make singing the song more fun? our hand motions are ones erin decided on because we have to teach the same thing. i had thought some up but she pointed out that they would need those motions later in the year for a different word, so mine couldn't work. i try to entice the kids to do a great job by offering 10 points, but that doesn't work. points don't seem to control my classes. i am sure it's me that doesn't control them, but i don't know how to. i have yelled, i have banged things, i have waited quietly. i don't get responses.
we just came from a team meeting and i think my teachers are the only ones not in the class the entire time. maybe that was the difference in erin's class i taught yesterday. the chinese teacher sat at the front of the class working on something. most of my teachers sit at the back. sometimes they sleep. sometimes they disappear. apparently i need to tell paul when they do this.
we were talking about how soe children are disruptive no matter what you do. today, i had a boy sit in y class. normally, he is removed from the classroom within 5 minutse of me starting. he doesn't know the song because he hasn't been there. today, he was there, and allowed to stay. he didn't participate, but he didn't disrupt either. i don't know what i am supposed to do with him, because he can't partiicpate if he hasn't been there at all!
maybe... if the group sings the song well, or at least makes a good effort, i pick the best student to come and do the target for their points? i don't know what i am supposed to do. i know i could have asked at the team meeting, but we were talking abuot it, i just didn't come up with a way to change it in my own classroom. i know a lot of teaching is going to be figuring out how to stand on my own, and paul doesn't seem to care that we are still working on this. he knows that we are new to this and is patient with us. i am not patient with me. i am so frustrated and so... tired that i don't know what to do! erin has been out sick all week, so i haven't realy had anyone to bounce ideas off of, but i thought i knew what i was doing too. maybe i dont.
we are starting a mandatory sit in in another's lesson starting in two weeks (next week only has 3 days), maybe that will help. they will have to give me idesa of what worked in my lessons and what didin't and if i am following the lesson plans correctly. butwill krista or kalyn really know what is going tood in my class? they don't teach the same grades of lessons. will erin merey tell me that she would do it this way and not think about the merits of my way? does my way even have merits?
i really wish it was the weekend. i need time to regroup. instead, it's thursday night and we have a teachers day performance from 8 to 10 pm. tomorrow i teach a tuesday worth of lessons( 5 lessons) and saturday i teach afridays lessons. then we are off sunday to tuesday, and i think we are travelling. maybe that's what i need. a weekend away ffrom the school. i can't get worse right?
i dont know how a amximum of 200 minutes a day can exhaust me so much.
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