Struck by Lightning

A massive storm rolled through yesterday, it poured for almost 3 hours, the electrical storm for at least 5. It was crazy wicked, and incredibly peaceful for me, as I spent my first night alone in Bawjiase. I will be alone until Monday by the sounds of things now....

Around 6 pm, after I had fed Baby Leah to the sound of rain pounding on a tin roof (also very peaceful), and sang her every sad 60's song I could think of, Martha offered me an umbrella to go home before it was totally dark. "Oh great, so I can be struck by lightning?" "YES!" Lol, I love the language barrier sometimes. It cracks me up. I walked about half way home with it, but when sheet lightning lit up the entire neighbourhood, I took it down and ran the rest of the way home. Then I sat and watched the storm for a while.

It is lonely being the only Oburoni on our side of Bawjiase that is for sure! I went to bed and knitted in bed for an hour because there was no one else to talk to. I wish I had found out before yesterday at 7 pm -- I would have made plans for the weekend, I was only staying to be here for the new volunteers. Oh well. Glodean left yesterday morning, I have never seen so many of the kids cry - especially the older ones. Glodean thought she couldn't make a difference in 2 weeks, I assured her that she did. When the kids started to cry, she knew it. I have always known that I matter to the kids, it's a matter of mattering to myself.

With a vital part of me missing, I am trying to do just that. I am trying to be enough for me. To let the kids take me on my journey. The days are fine, the kids make me smile and laugh and know that all is well in the world. Life is so rewarding if you take the time to stop, which I do during the day. But at night time, my tears fall. I learned the hard way the other night that there is no privacy in Ghana. Feeling tears coming hard and fast, I left the orphanage early for the day. I made it home without the heartwrenching sobs I could feel inside me coming out. But then, Francis (our secretary) was at the house and he was like Jenna, what's wrong. I said nothing, please just leave me alone, but he didn't. He followed me into my bedroom, because my sobs had escaped. When he called Glodean in, I said one word, and she told them all to leave me alone and that I would be fine in time. Later the cook came in and told me I had to eat and that I had to stop crying. I said no, I just needed to be alone to cry. Francis came BACK again, and told me that I had to talk to him. I told him just to leave me alone. he told Pastor and Eddie that I was crying, so they all want to know what is going on. I kept insisting that nothing was going on, that no one needed to know, that is was my problem and nothing to do with Ghana, but they kept coming back. Privacy is only as thick as your bed sheet, and only as long as no one lifts it off. I had both. After 3 hours of sobbing, I felt a little better, managed a bath and went to bed. The children renewed me again in the morning.

Spend 450 cidi in the last couple days. Nothing is ever as cheap or as fast as one predicts in Ghana. I went to buy the material to fix the school, which Pastor said would be 200 cidi, including labour. Well, 215 cidi bought the material, another 70 for the labour, and the adventure took all morning. but then.... the truck did crash into the bridge and the boys did have to carry the cement and rebar by hand the rest of the way to the site....
Went to Market yesterday with Martha, bought lotion for the kids for the first time in a month (they were so excited this morning to have lotion again!) and more food, they have been only eating rice since our fundraiser, which didn't make any money, because some of the things that were supposed to be paid for by others have not yet been paid by others, but through the money that came in. But both days I came home, hot, sweaty and happy. Small things. This morning, Aunty Mary had all the children pray that I always have money to help them, because I am wonderful. Almost made me tear up!

Anyways. I am trying to rebuild my heart, and rebuild my dreams, and my 31 babies are helping. It's hard, but I know that I can do it. One day at a time of course.

Much love!